I wanna tellya about my freakishly large head. I always knew I had a big head (my nickname in high school was Big Head). It's just something I've always lived with. From kids hovering under me for shade to birds flying right into it, having a big melon was just something I had come to accept.

Until I found out it got bigger.

I know it got bigger because I've had a problem with hats lately. It felt like whenever I wore a cap, I got a headache because it was on too tight. It didn't make any sense since I haven't been wearing my hair any longer since the day I bought any of my hats. But I didn't think it was a real problem until this weekend and I buzzed off most my hair.

One of the hidden beauties of short hair is the ability to seamlessly switch from hat to no hat without messing up your hair. It's a well-known fact that girls freak out about their hair, but guys do to. We can be just as vain (at least the pretty ones like me) and if we make a conscious decision to wear a hat for the day, we have to abide to it or else endure the unkempt disgrace known as "hat hair."

When I buzzed my hair down to a quarter inch length, I grew excited at the idea of being able to fully utilize my baseball cap collection again. I spent most of the weekend wearing hats--all of which were too tight on my head. This morning I decided to investigate…and discover all of my hats felt extremely tight on my head. Now there was no doubt that my hair was shorter than it was when I bought all those hats. Over the past five years or so, I have typically keep a good length of hair on my head. Sure, there was that ill-advised hair-growing phase of last summer, but I made it a point not to buy any new caps during that time. Other than that, my hair is shorter now than it's been in a long, long time.

And yet nothing ruddy fit. Everything is too tight. My adjustable caps all need to be lengthened by at least an inch. The fitted caps don't fit at all. It was like squeezing a bowling ball though a drinking straw (by the way, ladies I now know what it feels like to give birth).

I am 30 years old--long past the age when the average male stops growing. Yet somehow my head has gotten bigger. The only conclusion I can come up with is my brain has gotten bigger. I've learned a lot over the past year and have become much smarter. I learned that there's a coin out there called a 'wheat penny.' I learned that women with lazy ovaries can get impregnated by guys with one ball (thank you "Sex and the City"). Why, I even learned how to love.

It's the only explanation I can think now that my head has its own gravitational pull. My brain was already filled up with knowledge--there simply wasn't room for any more. And just like when a computer runs out of hard drive space, my brain expanded to fit in all this additional knowledge. That's has to be it.

Either that or I'm on steroids.

...but seeing how I still hit the ball like a girl, I doubt that's it. I'm going with the bigger brain theory.

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