Anyone who knows me can attest I'm a big believer of casual clothes. I believe in never being uncomfortable--because if you live your life uncomfortably, you're never gonna be happy. To me, comfort is T-shirt and shorts, year round--no matter what the weather (actually, comfortable, is naked in bed--but since part of my job duties includes the occasional tour to Cub Scouts, nudity is probably not a good idea).

At my job, I wear a T-shirt and shorts. While I don't exactly blend in with the elitist in expensive suits and $80,000 luxury cars, I don't really care (mainly 'cause I actually hafta work for a living and get dirty). Lately, I've started to understand that people actually do judge you by the clothes you wear. And while I think that's a completely ridiculous concept (how does my Homer Simpson T-shirt make me inefficient at my job), I've finally come to understand that's just the way the world works.

My office--much like many offices across the country--has a tradition called "Casual Friday." I don't know who came up with this idea, but Casual Friday has to be the lamest of all American traditions (yes, even lamer than the Thanksgiving Day parade). To think, people have to dress awkwardly and uncomfortable four days out of the week only to be "rewarded" on Friday. Yeah, that'll make people feel better about working their crappy jobs.

I gotta laugh at one of the executives who 'dresses down' for Casual Friday at my job. Monday through Thursday, he's walking around in snazzy suits and dress shirts that have his monogram stitched on the pocket. But on Casual Friday, he trades in that suit and tie for a well-pressed polo shirt that doesn't look the slightest bit casual. I guess for some people, dressing to impress is something they just can't live without.

I've never been able to enjoy the perks of Casual Friday because you can't get much more casual than I already wear (and if I tried, we already discussed the Cub Scout problem). Part of me has always felt left out because I wanted something to look forward to at the end of the week (I'll guess I'll just hafta settle for the weekend).

This week at work, I decided to try something new. Instead of Casual Friday, I decided to implement the first-ever Serious Monday. Unlike the other stooges I work with, I wasn't going to dress stuffy all week with one day as a reward. For me, the special occurrence would be dressing up once a week. Maybe by wearing something other than your typical rock concert attire, my bosses would take me more seriously and give me a raise so I could afford one of those $80,000 luxury cars they have. And by having Serious Monday only one day out of the week, I could maintain my sanity and comfort level the remaining four days of the week. Besides, it was no big deal if uncomfortable clothes made me miserable on a Monday because I'm always miserable on a Monday--it just sorta goes with the territory.

So this week I showed up to work in a collared, stripped shirt without any cartoon characters or whacky sayings printed on the front. I still wore shorts (I'm not read to go as far as wearing pants), but at least I looked more professional and responsible than I normally did.

Early in the day, I had to use the bathroom (why does it seem like a lot of my stories lately involve something happening in the bathroom). I was washing my hands when it happened. The soap dispenser had too much pressure in and the first squirt ricocheted off my palm and landed on the front of my shirt. There I was, with white goopy stuff on the front on my brain-new, Serious Monday, collared shirt.

I tried to wipe it off, but somehow ended up getting the lower portion of my shirt wet when I leaned over the sink. So now my shirt was soapy and wet. I tried using a paper towel to clean up some of the mess...only to leave paper fragments on the shirt. It took all of one hour--a little more than 60 minutes--for me to ruin my shirt and first attempt at Serious Monday.

And that's another reason why I don't dress nice. Whether it be soap in the bathroom or ketchup on my lunch break, it's only a matter of time before I ruin whatever I'm wearing (that's why I wore so much tie die in the 90s: bright colors hide shirt stains). I can't own anything nice and Serious Monday died before it even had a chance to bloom.

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