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    Because complaining about stuff shouldn't be limited to the elderly


    Critters Gone Wild! (I didn't go to medical school to be called Dr. McGraw)
    Friday, August 18, 2006

    I highly doubt the validity of any doctor who goes by their first name--kinda like Dr. Chad or Dr. Todd. How can you trust the professional opinion of anyone who doesn't even command enough respect to be called by their last name. With all apologies to Dr. Drew and Dr. Phil, it just comes off as hokey. Do you think Reverend King would be as respected and revered today if he went by Dr. Martin? Even more frightening: where would civil rights be today if he went by Dr. Marty?

    It turns out I have possums--it's a total surprise to me, too. I was sitting outside, using my trusty computer when I saw a possum pop out from under the car no more than four feet away from me. Little bastard looked surprised to see me--like I was invading his turf or something. I woulda got the hose, but it was late at night and kinda cold--so I looked for my pelt gun instead.

    I'm just kidding--I don't have a hose.

    True story: many years ago, my brother had a bad habit of leaving the door open at night if he was in the kitchen. One night, he started screaming. My mother and I rushed to see what was wrong.

    "It was a rat--a giant, two foot rat just ran inside and brushed against me!" We quickly discarded his observation because, well, he's an idiot. I found our cat in the next room and my mom assured him it was just the feline that startled him.

    Then three days later, I went to use the bathroom and saw a damn possum drinking out of the toilet. It turns out my idiot brother was right (somewhat) and possum lived in our house for three days drinking our water and eating our (cat) food without paying the slightest bit of rent. I quickly boxed him up and threw him in the river, err--sewer drain. I didn't harm the guy--I just wanted him as far away from the house as possible. Plenty of water, (cat) food, and a borderline-insane family to provide entertainment--what more could a possum want? I had to make sure he never found his way back--next time he might bring his buddies to party with him.

    © 2006 siknerd.com



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