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As you may or may not know, I used to be an Unemployed Gambling Addict. I absolutely love playing cards--and I found it was good way to pay the bills. Blackjack's my game and the key to my success was because I only played under certain conditions that are not consequential to this tale. Back in the day, I used to make casino runs two or three times a week with my buddies, the Dalai Lama and Meathead.* Today...not so much.

Saturday morning, my buddies called me up and proposed a daytime casino run. Most of our trips usually departed 10:30 at night. The idea of day trip was enticing because I simply don't have the time to spend all night at a casino anymore (besides, I really had nothing better to do and any excuse to get out of housecleaning is good with me).

We got to the casino around 12:30. I found a table that suited me and I played some cards. Now there's a difference between playing cards for fun (casual gambling) and playing to make money (working). If I'm playing for fun, it's at a table full of people with an entertaining dealer; it's for little money; and I usually lose. When I'm playing for money, certain conditions must be met otherwise I refuse to play.

I found a nice little table and was playing for $10 a hand. I was having a blast, yapping it up with other players, the pit boss, and the various dealers that came our way. The pit boss even comped me a dinner at their buffet.

Around five, I felt I was done for the day. I was down a hundred bucks and tired of playing cards. But I was okay with that. I had fun for the day, got a free dinner, and viewed my losses as the cost of entertainment.

I found my buddies and asked them how they felt. Dalai Lama was willing to leave, but Meathead would hear none of it. I managed to convince them to take a break for dinner. After dinner, once again Dalai Lama was willing to leave but Meathead still wanted to play--he was down a lot of cash and wanted to win it back. So I found another "fun" table and played until around nine.

"I'm done," Dalai Lama said to me. "I'll be waiting in the truck. I'm completely broke. If you wanna leave, go find Meathead and convince him to leave." I quickly counted my chips. Including ATM fees, I was up two bucks--not bad for casual gambling. Besides, I was getting tired and wanted to call it a day. I cashed in my chips and hunted down Meathead.

I tried to convince him it was time to leave, but he wasn't interested. My guess is that he was down at least a lot meathead normally comes to the casino with a healthy bankroll and hid didn't have much in the way of chips in front of him.

"It's a good place to cut your losses," I said. "Even number." But he wouldn't do it. Ten minutes later, he was broke and in line at the ATM to get more cash.

I shadowed him for more than two hours. He kept trying to convince me to jump in, but I wasn't interested. I was satisfied with my results and just wanted to go home. But after a while, it was pretty obvious he wasn't going anywhere.

I was getting really annoyed. I was bored and tired. I didn't wanna go wait in the truck with Dalai Lama because sitting around waiting is boring. There was nothing else to do because casinos offer little entertainment other than gambling (I think it's part of their business plan--along with no clocks or windows). You know me--I'm impatient and hate boredom. I had nothing else to do but play cards. I searched for a table to find some casual gambling, but no such tables were available. It was Saturday night--the place was a ruddy zoo. There were very few spots open anywhere. Again, I considered going to the truck, but the idea just disgusted me. I was annoyed--why should Dalai Lama and I be forced to sit around waiting because Meathead dropped more money Paris Hilton at Saks 5th Avenue? Unfortunately, I couldn't find a table with a low minimum that didn't look like a crime scene with reporters pushing and shoving to get a good view.

Screw it! I sat down at a $25 table that met absolutely none of the conditions of casual gambling (it was too high priced) or making money (continuous shuffler and too many people). Forty-five minutes later, I was flat broke and sitting in the back of Dalai Lama's truck.

I was hella pissed at Meathead (that's right--I said hella). I wanted to leave initially six hours ago. I packed it all in and mentally checked out three hours ago. Even though technically I was the one who lost the money, I blamed him--I wanted to leave. I wanted to stop but he didn't wanna hear it because it was "still early." Meathead was looking at it like it was only ten and not that we had been there nine hours already. I blame him because I had nothing else to do. If he wanted to stay and extra ten minutes, I could dig that. But to expect us to sit around for hours simply because he'd hafta open a second mortgage just to get even is preposterous and arrogant.

I was upset because that's not the way I like to play cards. I have a system that has been proven successful time and time again and I had to break it because I had nothing else to do. That's why I enjoy getting hotel rooms so much. I play whenever I wanna play. If the conditions don't look good, I head up to the room and watch TV.

You can say whatever you want. No one forced me to play. I was the one playing cards. But I don't care. If I was truly in charge of my life, I wouldn'tve been playing anymore--that's the bottom line. I woulda been home in bed, watching TV and eating cheese.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent...or have they?

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2006